On Leaving: Resources

Hey You,

Thank you for following my pivot journey. Maybe you’ve been here since the very first essay— It Starts With A Whisper, And Then It Screams. Or perhaps another essay led you here. I recently did a poll on my Instagram stories asking which essays have resonated most. A few favorites were: Theology of the Body, The Devil Wears Ankara and This Is How You Burnout. No matter when or why you came— I’m glad you’re here.

The first seven essays in this limited series have focused on Leaving. I’ve pushed past comfort in the last few weeks to share raw, messy truths about leaving my marriage and my high-profile job— both of which happened around the same time.

Leaving anything that matters can be one of the hardest things a person ever does. As I wrote in Tarot, Therapy, Tithes (And All The Ways I Tried To Save Myself)— it took A LOT for me to finally make peace with my inner knowing.

Knowing is the first hard part of leaving. But what comes next—doing—is even harder. On my journey, a number of resources— from books to podcasts— helped me get to knowing, and then cross the gulf between knowing and doing. I’ve compiled a list of a few of them below, with hopes they’ll help you or someone you know who is on the brink of transition, or already swimming in the deep of it. (Note: you may need to view the full list on your browser or in Substack as your email provider may truncate it).

As I write this letter, I can’t help but marvel at how much my life has changed — for the better— in the last two years. When I was in the valley, fear whispered my peaks would be behind me if I dared to walk away from the life I had built. Faith continues to show me greater things lie ahead. And healing has been the map— both to the future I’m forming, and back home to myself.

The next batch of essays I send will focus on Healing.

I hope you’ll stick around for the ride. Bring a friend, too.

Until the next,

-B.

PS: I’m doing my best to keep this newsletter on a weekly cadence—but between work, travel and life—it’s been a stretch. I’ll keep trying, but it’s probably time we renegotiate our terms of engagement. For now, I can commit to every other Sunday (vs. every Sunday). Cool?

In the interim, you can keep up with me and my travels on the ‘gram: @BlessingOmakwu.

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A DOZEN RESOURCES FOR LEAVING

So, you’re thinking about leaving a thing—a job, a relationship, a community, a city… something that matters to you? Here are some resources that helped me when ambivalence was my home and fear was thick in the air. I hope they help you (or someone you know), too…

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

There’s a clear before and after in my pivot timeline: the me that existed before Untamed, and the me after. This book was a domino—it gave me permission to start challenging the assumptions that had caged my spirit. Raised in a conservative Christian context, Doyle unpacks how religion, marriage, and motherhood shaped her—and how she began to untangle faith from fear.

In It Starts With a Whisper, And Then It Screams, I wrote about the question that unraveled everything for me: “Wasn’t it all supposed to be more beautiful than this?” I first met that question in Untamed, and it subsequently haunted me for years.

“When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself” —Glennon Doyle

Bonus: There are few things societies fear more than radically free women. Being a Black/African woman comes with even more expectations and considerations. That’s why I’m so glad my good sis Adelle Onyango, has launched a community and platform for Mannerless Women.

The Work: My Search for a Life That Matters by Wes Moore

Timing can be a curious thing. I listened to this audiobook during a week that was glamorous—work travel to London and L.A., meetings and parties with public figures and celebs, etc. But every morning that week, I struggled to get out of bed. So, when Wes Moore broke down the danger of golden handcuffs—“the high pay and perks that keep you glued to a job long after it stops serving your soul”—it felt eerily timely.

In The Work, Moore shares what it took to walk away from Wall Street to pursue public service. His mentor had advised: “Take the high-paying job and learn the system—but the second you’re able to walk away, do it. Because every minute you stay longer than you have to, you’ll become extraordinarily ordinary.” Wes took that advice. He’s now the first Black governor of Maryland, and only the third elected Black governor in U.S. history.

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives, and it’s the rare person who can walk away from what feels like a sure thing”― Wes Moore

Bonus: I first discovered Wes Moore through Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. Two episodes that stood out: Is Your Job Your Life’s Purpose? and The Difference Between Your Job and Your Work.

Homecoming by Dr. Thema Bryant

Pain can negatively rewire you—your brain, your body, your nervous system, your spirit. If you don’t pay attention, there can be a finality to the damage. There were a few years in the valley, when I thought so many core elements of who I was were gone for good—Homecoming flipped my script. In this book, Dr. Thema Bryant—ordained minister, clinical psychologist, and former President of the American Psychological Association—blends psychology and spirituality to offer a guide on healing from trauma and reclaiming wholeness. It felt like a sermon, a therapy session and a chat with a wise Aunty, all at the same damn time.

Every pivot I’ve made over the last few years started from this truth: I came home to myself. The manifestations of this return are evident now, but the work started within, years ago. Homecoming helped me do that work.

“Disconnection often begins as a way to cope with overwhelming stress, trauma, or loss…This protective strategy, while necessary then, can become a barrier to authentic living later”—Dr. Thema Bryant

This Here Flesh: Spirituality, Liberation, and the Stories That Make Us by Cole Arthur Riley

I still remember where I was (Seattle), and what I was doing (taking a long walk), when I heard Cole Arthur Riley read:

“We were made for belonging. I don’t need a verse in Genesis to tell me that it is not good for one to be alone...”

I had been trying to wrap my head around the theology of divorce. The Bible clearly states God hates divorce, but as I wrote in Theology of the Body, my spirit was steering me towards it. Riley never mentions divorce in this book, but she connected a critical dot for me: God hates loneliness, too.

This Here Flesh did something beautiful for my spirituality: it softened it. Across chapters like Body, Wonder, Calling, Belonging, Fear, Rage, Rest, Repair and more—this book pointed me to a more tender vision of God and a more expansive version of my faith.

“My journey to the truth of God cannot be parsed from my journey to the truth of who I am. A fidelity to the true self is a fidelity to truth. I won’t apologize for this”— Cole Arthur Riley

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum

I am equal parts intuitive and analytical: I believe in trusting your gut and heck, even the vibe—but I need data and facts, too. When I was stuck in relationship ambivalence because I could build a strong case both for and against leaving (once a lawyer, always a lawyer), Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay helped me break the loop.

This book provides an evidence driven approach to decision making. It asks 36 diagnostic questions and provides guidance on whether to stay or leave a relationship based on 1,000 real case studies, Kirshenbaum’s nearly fifty years of experience as a couples and family therapist, and her research as the clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute.

“Staying ambivalent, in fact, can cause tremendous damage. Being stuck like this can end up killing you emotionally if you stay when you should be getting out. And it can end up killing your relationship if you keep thinking about leaving when it could be fixed if you only put energy into it” – Mira Kirshenbaum

Bevelations by Bevy Smith

I met Bevy Smith at the TED conference a few years ago during a rough patch. Maybe she sensed I was going through it, because she invited me to lunch. When I told her about some of my work struggles, Bevy shared she could relate—she could really relate.

Before she became the media personality, speaker and entrepreneur she is today, Bevy had a whole other life as a corporate baddie. After a breakdown in a Milan hotel room at 38, she pivoted. She writes about all this and more in Bevelations— from going broke after leaving her job, to landing a gig co-hosting Bravo’s Fashion Queens. Bevy’s debut book is aptly titled because it felt like being handed a cheat code—revelations, indeed.

“Who walks away from a job that pays well, a bona fide good thing? I’ll tell you who: someone looking for a great thing, an inspiring thing, a creative thing, a feeling of freedom, a new dream”—Bevy Smith

Bonus: Bevy’s TED Talk is one of the most watched for a reason. If you feel like it’s too late for your pivot—run, don’t walk to watch/listen to It Gets Greater Later: How to Discover Your Authentic Self—At Any Age.

Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas

Once I was clear that divorce was the right decision for me, I knew that I wanted to navigate the process with as much integrity and kindness as I possibly could. I took Conscious Uncoupling with me to a solo retreat in Mexico, and it helped me process so much. This book helped me see my marriage not as a mistake, but a meaningful chapter in my life’s story. It also helped me own my role in the end of my marriage, and reclaim my agency to shape the next chapters of my life with wisdom. Ultimately, this book helped me reframe my divorce as a divine ending—a sacred transition—and gave me practical tools to honor this closure.

“Endings, like beginnings, are sacred. They deserve to be met with consciousness and care”—Katherine Woodward Thomas

PS: I also worked with a Conscious Uncoupling coach after my separation (very Gwyneth Paltrow, I know). Thomas has a list of certified coaches here.

Ratchet & Respectable by Demetria Lucas

The Bible says, “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17). I used to think this only applied to sermons, Christian books, and scripture. But Demetria Lucas expanded how I think about that verse when she started her podcast. Ratchet & Respectable covers culture and current events—but it’s also Demetria Lucas’ open pivot diary. She’s been transparent about her journey: from divorce, to leaving New York, and her world travels.

I’ve barely missed an episode of the podcast since 2019, and what this has done is build my faith. Lucas is a testimony to the power of pivoting. She’s influenced decisions I’ve made, from pushing pause on New York to starting this newsletter. Her generosity with her story is one of the reasons I’m sharing mine: to pay the generosity forward.

“Accept that absolutely no one really knows what they’re doing and we’re all just kinda winging this life thing. Do the best you can. Life is a series of ups and downs. Learn to ride the wave. It’s a skill”—Demetria Lucas

Knowing When to Quit with world poker champion Annie Duke (via Re: Thinking with Adam Grant)

Adam Grant has talked a lot about sunk cost fallacy and the power of quitting. This Re: Thinking episode with Annie Duke—a former professional poker player turned decision strategist—stands out. They unpack why smart people stay too long in the wrong situations, and how quitting isn’t failure, but wisdom.

“Cutting your losses is a form of quitting. In poker…when you look at what it is that separates the elite players form the amateurs, it’s how good they are at exercising that option to quit”—Annie Duke

Bonus: Adam Grant shared these visualizations by Liz Fosslien on Instagram a while ago. I refer to them often: